Cori's Grand Theory about Talking on the Phone

I posted this a year or so ago on my other blog-that-shall-remain-nameless, but it's been apropros lately, so I thought I'd update it a little and repost here.

As most of my friends know, I am somewhat useless when it comes to talking on the phone. I don't necessarily hate it, I'm just uncomfortable with the form of communication compared to others. It doesn't help that I recently washed my cell phone, so it's been a little janky lately.

On the phone, I always seem to be conversationally stepping on the other person's toes, chopping off the ends of their sentences. Or, conversely, I can never seem hear what they are saying, so my side of the conversation is peppered with "what was that?" and "huh?" and "come again?"  I can't seem to concentrate on what the other person is saying, and half the time I can barely remember what they said at the beginning of the sentence once they come to the end. 

I have decided there is a reason for this, and I have dubbed it "Cori's Grand Theory about Talking on the Phone."

Part 1 of CGTaTotP: I am a VISUAL learner. The phone is an AUDITORY device. We just aren't compatible. That's why I'm much more capable when it comes to writing an email or talking to someone in person. In person is the best -- I can read body language and all of those non-verbal signs. Plus sometimes I laugh nearly silently, and I'm sure the other person thinks the call has been dropped.

Part 2 of CGTaTotP: I am distracted by anything visual while talking on the phone. I'm not ADD because I can sit and proofread on a computer screen for hours. But because seeing something is my preferable way of functioning, it trumps the auditory function of the phone. So, a box of cereal, my stacks of movies, or something shiny has my attention while the poor person on the other end of the line says, "Cori? Hello?" I need to talk on the phone in a dark box, and therefore I spend a lot of time on the phone in my closet. No distractions.

Part 3 of CGTaTotP: Phones should come with Closed Captioning. Then I could read what the other person is saying, and there will be no confusion. I won't have to ask for clarification. Actually, I think ALL communication should have CC. I watch almost all movies and TV with CC or subtitles, and it has seriously stunted my ability to hear and understand anything without it.

I will now write it up and bind it, dissertation-style. It will be required reading for anyone who wants to talk to me on the phone.